My four-year-old grandson loves a good joke. Actually, Emerson loves any joke. He has mastered the forms and conventions of joke-telling perfectly. Chicken crossed the road? Em can tell you twenty reasons why. Knock-knock? Make his day and say “who’s there?” Emerson will never run out of jokes because he knows the formula and can make them up at will. Humor? Optional.
Nothing tickles me more than exchanging jokes with Emerson on video chat. (Love my webcam, baby!) He gets as close as he can to the computer on his end so his head floats larger than life on the screen in front of me. (“I am OZ, the great and terrible, who are you and what do you want?”) Usually I am expected to lob the first volley.
Nana: “How do you tell which end of the worm is its head?”
Em feigns bewilderment, even though he has heard this one before.
Nana: “Tickle its tummy and see which end laughs.”
Em chuckles agreeably and returns fire in his scratchy little voice.
Em: “Knock Knock!”
Nana: “Who’s there?”
Em: “Banana”
Nana: “Banana who?”
Emerson’s eyes dart around the room, scanning for any random object on which to pin his punchline. Ah-hah. Got it. He turns back to the computer with a victorious grin.
Em: “Banana in a stinky sock.”
He totally cracks himself up, collapsing back in his chair in self-satisfied glee. I laugh out loud and wait for his next invention. The wait never lasts very long. The whole process delights me.
One problem plagues our joke exchanges. It happens when Em says, “Tell me another joke.” My mind does not retain jokes. Or if I do remember the beginning, the punchline escapes me. Or worse, I forget how it starts and the punchline tumbles out before the set-up. Hopeless. If I try to make up a random joke, Em style, he gives me a lame chuckle and a skeptical look like, “Really Nana, you can do better than that.” Then he waits. Nana on the spot.
So, this post is actually a plea for help. Please leave me a comment with your favorite clean-and-politically-correct joke in it. (It’s not hard, I promise. Just click on the “Leave a comment” or “# comments” button and type in your joke.) Better yet, leave me two or three jokes. Emerson’s appetite is insatiable and I would love to collect a serious stockpile for the long winter months ahead. Make me laugh–I promise I’ll remember the punchline.
Winds Unexpected 
Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed a Krabby Patty.
Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A. Comet.
Q. What’s white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!
Q. How do you scare a snowman?
A. You get a hairdryer!
I have web babies too. 6 of them. Good luck. 😉
Aah, long-distance grand-parenting is not my ideal but I sure appreciate the whole internet thing. Six grandkids? You don’t look that “granny-ish”! Thanks for the jokes, Em will love them.
My oldest GK is 16 and apparently too old for her MoMo’s webcam world. The others love it. Youngest is 8. Oh gosh, just typing that made me feel so old. Thanks for the complement. I think from the beginning of summer (when it was taken) until now I have aged by 10 years. I noticed it in the mirror the other day and announced to all that I want an overhaul or a do over! Earlier I read a new blog. She said she woke up with a zit at age 50ish. Her husband asked her if this meant her boobs would get perkier. Maybe I should just get a zit.
Ha! That’s even funnier than your Santa jokes. Heck, sign me up for a zit too!
*What happens when you sit on a grape? It gives out a little ‘whine’…
* What happens when two bullets get married? They have a little BB
*Why can’t I pirate learn his alphabet? He always gets lost at C (sea) hahaha
Hee hee hee. You’re WAY too good at this, Susie. You need some grandbabies to share your brilliant comedy with. Hugs.
How do cows add? With a Cowculator!
What goes tick-tock, woof-woof? A watchdog.
How do you mend a broken jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch
How do you get a peanut to laugh? You crack it up!
Perfect Emerson material! I’m going to print these out and keep them by my webcam. Thanks.
This is my 10 year old’s favorite:
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, “Boy, it sure is hot in here!” The other one screamed, “AHH! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
Ranee 🙂
Love it. Ten year olds are fun people.
These aren’t really Em appropriate, but a friend of mine parsed these out over weeks and some of them were really fun. Love your blog.
Scientific Conversions
1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in theTwilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
Laughing hard!!! Oh, how my Dad would have loved these, this is good stuff. How about 2 PhD’s = 1 paradox? Or 1 witch who has a change of heart = 1 hexagon? (This is fun, I’m going to be thinking of these all night. Ouch. I know they’re painfully bad but the groan is part of the fun, eh?) Downtown parking device that takes only pennies = 1 centimeter. OK, OK, I’m stopping.
Emerson sounds like my kind of guy. I love asking little one’s outrageous questions like “how is the job search going?” or “so, when are you getting married?”, and acting shocked at their indignation. This usually end in a outburst of giggles when they realize you are just joking with them.
We ran across this website the other day while looking for kid appropriate ‘hippie’ jokes (don’t ask but let’s just say they are very rare)…they had a ton of jokes and other fun stuff…http://www.kidsturncentral.com/jokes/knockjokes.htm
Here are a few of their jokes…Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ach
Ach who?
God Bless You!
PJ
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Adore
Adore who?
Adore is between us open it up.
PJ
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
A little boy
A little boy who?
A little boy who can’t reach the doorbell.
PJ
See you soon,
Deb
Love these–knock-knocks are Emerson’s favorite genre. Thanks for the link too. I’ll check it out!
We have a grandson who was a jokester at that age until about 2nd grade. A fun stage. I asked several children at church yesterday to tell me a joke for you and none of them could remember one! I googled jokes for kids. Many responses of books to buy, websites to join etc. but no jokes! Try the library for a joke book. Not much help but I’ve had fun thinking about it for a couple of days. Mary
Mary, it’s so nice to hear from you. So, I’m not the only one who doesn’t remember jokes, eh? A joke book is a good idea. Thanks for thinking of me.
Jeff can’t remember jokes either. His favorite?
“Why are a gorilla’s nostrils so big? Because they have big fingers.”
I don’t know very many jokes. My favorite would probably not be understood by a 4 year-old. But you will enjoy it. “What’s the difference between a Hoover and a Harley? A Harley can carry TWO dirtbags.” And that’s all I got. You should buy yourself some go-gurts or some kid popsicles. Those always have cheesy kid jokes on them. 😉
Hello you cutest little mom! I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one whose mind is not hard-wired to retain jokes. 🙂 Your suggestion of laying my hands on some go-gurts or popsicles is brilliant! I’m going to do it . . .
These are great! Looking for a kid friendly hippie joke or something that has to do with tie dye. Let me know if you know of anything
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